2010: What Was Supposed To Happen, According To Hollywood.
As I smear blue sunblock on my face (due to the destruction of the ozone) and see that Jupiter turned into a second star, I realize 2010 is coming to a close. Let’s take a look at what Hollywood said SHOULD have happened in 2010, and what is to come.
- 2010 (1984): Monoliths engulf Jupiter and increase its density to the point that nuclear fusion occurs, transforming the planet into a small star. This FINALLY leads the US and Soviet Union to peace.
- The Simpsons episode “Lisa’s Wedding“: Lisa Simpson is married.
- Knight Rider 2010 (1994 TV movie): Being the lawless MadMax-type wasteland the US has become, Jake McQueen (not the Hoff) cleaned up the dirty Chrysalis Corporation. The car was a custom “Ford Mustang” built on a mid-’90s Ford Thunderbird chassis.
- Freejack (1992): Emilio Estevez uses a time machine to save our history.
What we have to look forward to (if John Cusack happens to save you with his limousine in 2012):
- I Am Legend (2007): Takes place in 2012. Emma Thompson invents a cure for cancer, with a slight side effect of turning the subject into a rabid sub-human monster.
- Back to the Future II (1989): Takes place in 2015. Whoever wants their own Mr. Fusion, yell “great scott!!!”
- The Running Man (1987): Takes place in 2019. That old dude from Family Fued gets his butt kicked by the former Governor of California. Yeah!
- Blade Runner (1982): Takes place in 2019. Robots that look like Rutger Hauer will turn on us. It’s up to Indiana Jones to help us.
- Soylent Green (1973): Takes place in 2022. Humans become menu items at TGI Fridays. “We’ve got to stop them SOMEHOW!!!”