2010: What Was Supposed To Happen, According To Hollywood.

As I smear blue sunblock on my face (due to the destruction of the ozone) and see that Jupiter turned into a second star, I realize 2010 is coming to a close.  Let’s take a look at what Hollywood said SHOULD have happened in 2010, and what is to come.

  • 2010 (1984):  Monoliths engulf Jupiter and increase its density to the point that nuclear fusion occurs, transforming the planet into a small star.  This FINALLY leads the US and Soviet Union to peace.
  • The Simpsons episode “Lisa’s Wedding: Lisa Simpson is married.
  • Knight Rider 2010 (1994 TV movie):  Being the lawless MadMax-type wasteland the US has become, Jake McQueen (not the Hoff) cleaned up the dirty Chrysalis Corporation.  The car was a custom “Ford Mustang” built on a mid-’90s Ford Thunderbird chassis.
  • Freejack (1992):  Emilio Estevez uses a time machine to save our history.

What we have to look forward to (if John Cusack happens to save you with his limousine in 2012):

  • I Am Legend (2007):  Takes place in 2012.  Emma Thompson invents a cure for cancer, with a slight side effect of turning the subject into a rabid sub-human monster.
  • Back to the Future II (1989):  Takes place in 2015.  Whoever wants their own Mr. Fusion, yell “great scott!!!”
  • The Running Man (1987):  Takes place in 2019.  That old dude from Family Fued gets his butt kicked by the former Governor of California.  Yeah!
  • Blade Runner (1982): Takes place in 2019.  Robots that look like Rutger Hauer will turn on us.  It’s up to Indiana Jones to help us.
  • Soylent Green (1973):  Takes place in 2022.  Humans become menu items at TGI Fridays.  “We’ve got to stop them SOMEHOW!!!”

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